Brisbane Junior Theatre Audition Monologues 2017 Shrek Jr.

 

Shrek: Once upon a time there was a little ogre named Shrek, who lived with his parents in a bog by a tree. It was a pretty nasty place, but he was happy because ogres like nasty. On his 7th birthday the little ogre’s parents sat him down to talk, just as all ogre parents had for hundreds of years before. Ahh, I know it’s sad, very sad, but ogres are used to that – the hardships, the indignities. And so the little ogre went on his way and found a perfectly rancid swamp far away from civilization. And whenever a mob came along to attack him he knew exactly what to do. Rooooooaaaaar! Hahahaha!

 

Fiona: Once upon a time, there was a little princess named Fiona, who lived in a Kingdom far, far away. One fateful day, her parents told her that it was time for her to be locked away in a desolate tower, guarded by a fire-breathing dragon- as so many princesses had for hundreds of years before. Isn’t that the saddest thing you’ve ever heard? A poor little princess hidden away from the world, high in a tower, awaiting her one true love

 

Donkey: Can I just say? That was incredible! Man, they were trippin’ over themselves to get away from you. I liked that. Say, you lost or something? You’re trying to figure out the best route to Duloc? I know Duloc! You gotta let me show you the way, because I am like a GPS with fur! We gotta join forces. Otherwise they’re gonna lock me up. I cannot go back in a cage. I don’t know if I mentioned it but I did 6 years in solitary for impersonating a piñata.

 

Pinocchio: This place is a dump! Yeah, yeah I read Lord Farquaad’s decree. “ All fairytale characters have been banished from the kingdom of Duloc. All fruitcakes and freaks will be sent to a resettlement facility.” Did that guard just say “Pinocchio the puppet”? I’m not a puppet, I’m a real boy!

 

Gingy: Ohhh gosh. Look what you’ve done to my legs! You’re a monster! You say that the fairytale characters have poisoned your kingdom? It’s not a kingdom because you’re not a king! You want me to tell you where you can find a princess to marry? Bite me! Okay, well, maybe I have heard tell of a princess. From who? From the Muffin man.

 

Farquaad: The Princess Fiona with fiery red hair. Ooo, Princess Fiona, she sounds perfect. Except for that dragon and lava thing. I’ll have to find someone else to go rescue her. Captain, round up your men, summon the citizens and bring that cookie to the swamp. Thelonius, tell the Royal Coiffuer I need to get my hair pressed. We’re going to get a queen.

 

Shrek 2: Stop the wedding! Fiona, I need to talk to you. You can’t marry him. Because, because - - he’s just marrying you so he can be king. He’s not your true love. What do I know about true love? Well, uh . . .Um . . . I know I’m not the handsome prince, but if true love is blind maybe you won’t mind the view. Fiona, I am your true love. We make a perfect pair.

 

Fairytale Character: Now wait a minute! Maybe that ogre wasn’t the answer but something better will come along, and we have to wait for it, because that’s what fairytale characters do. We wait for miracles. We wish upon stars. We just need to lay low until this all blows over.

 

Audition Song: I’m a Believer

I thought love was only true in fairy tales meant for someone else but not for me.
Love was out to get me, that's the way it seems.
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.
And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I'm in love (oooooo) I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCwKPnwhPJY

 

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